The Experiment

This is as close to an ‘about’ page as you’ll get. Here’s my story.

About me

I am a thirty-something, Christian husband – coming up for my 10th year of marriage to the gorgeous S (that is the initial of her official pseudonym, so the web offers us a double whammy of anonymity for the time being). 

We’re doing pretty well in my mind: A handful of kids, fulfilling job in a ministry-related field, worship leader for a wife… Sounds so idyllic, doesn’t it?

The smack in the face

So, life is good, right? Work – Amazing. Family life – ok, we have our moments, but pretty good. Marriage – ok… well, let’s think about this one on a check list…

  • do we communicate with each other? Check
  • do we see eye to eye on most things in life? Good enough
  • do we have a pretty similar value system? Check
  • do we have date nights and frilly stuff like that? Check
  • what about sex? (thankfully with the aforementioned anonymity, I can tell the truth…) A hearty check

[doing pretty good so far, right?]

  • now how about about her, does she feel valued, loved, respected as a wife & mother? Er… Well, you see. Here’s the thing. I mean… So, I’m nice to her, but, really – she knows I love her, and… Well. Probably not.
  • You’ve probably read about the love languages – how’s her tank? The words I heard last were ‘running on empty’ 

And that’s when it happened. A simple conversation one evening (yesterday, to be precise), turned into a dawning realization.

I am a lazy, sometimes controlling husband.

Yes, I love my wife. Yes, I try to be nice to her and good to her, and all the other things. Yes, I care about her and even managed to say the odd nice thing, but my laziness has taken over. And what is more, my desire for a wonderful, peaceful, idyllic family life – can turn into the ‘daddy rules the roost’ show. Where my poor wife is quietly (maybe not always quietly), but slowly and surely getting squished out.

Can you believe it? A wonderful (I think, anyway), Christian guy like me – I read my Bible most days, don’t you know!  A guy who works in ministry, loves God, loves worship – desires the best for his family and kids…

It hit me – I’ve always tried to do my best at everything I put my hand to, but for the last I don’t know how long I’ve been coasting at being a husband.

The Grand Experiment

So, this is where the world of wordpress comes in. I realized I needed something to kick me into shape. I’ve tried lots of things before, but this has to be real change. So I’m going to force myself to write about the change. And maybe, just maybe, if somebody reads something I’ve written – I might actually be encourage to keep going!

So here I am. Day One of being a better husband. I want to write just a little each day, try actually doing different things, and see what happens.

If this blog disappears after a few days, it will be for one of two reasons…

  1. I’ve got so fricking amazing at being a husband that I don’t need it any more
  2. I’ve forgotten. I need your prayers.

Seriously – too many good guys have wasted their awesome marriages because they haven’t worked hard enough at it. So this is my little attempt to walk with God and see something change.